Teeth

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Just watched “Teeth” with my bestie, who I’m gonna call “Midget-Wrath” (long story), and since we are both English majors, we randomly found all sorts of symbolism and imagery and whatnot. Mainly stuff like “that tree looks like a vag.” and whatnot. Kinda brilliant.

At one point, we laughed so hard we about cried and we confused the dog.

I then texted my boyfriend about it and he said the idea of the movie scared him, since, ya know, he’s a boy…… this movie just made me and Midget-Wrath lol.

If you don’t know what this movie is about…. here’s a VERY brief synopsis…..

Girl is all into the purity ring trend or whatever, and dates this boy and he basically forces himself upon her in a cave. Her vag BITES THE END OF HIS DICK OFF LIKE IT WAS A PIECE OF SAUSAGE AT A FAT CAMP! (those were Midget-Wrath’s words…not mine…) Then she basically freaks out and goes to a Gyno…… who then lubes up his bare hand and shoves the whole freakin’ thing in her vag, and CHOMP! Then she finds a guy who seems like he’s trying to be sweet, but drugs her, they do it (a lot) and all seems good, until he, like a dumbass, answers the phone mid sex and admits that he got with her as a bet with a buddy. CHOMP! Then her freaky step brother (who when they were playing “Show me yours, I’ll show you mine,” her kiddie vag bit his finger) who had tried to get her in the sack let her mother writhe in pain while he screwed his girlfriend, so she seduces him and CHOMP! Then…. his dog gets out of its crate/cage thing and EATS THE END OF HIS MEMBER…. leaving the very tip where the Prince Albert piercing was……. Then she hitchhikes and a creepy old man picks her up and wont let her get out and makes creeeeeeeeeeeeepy faces and she just smirks at the camera and we went “OLD MAN ISN’T GONNA HAVE A PENIS ANYMORE IN ABOUT 5 MINUTES!”

This movie was so wrong it was hilarious. Even though I thought about family based revenge and my paper I was writing for my Lit and Ethics class that mentions “The Orestea” plays by Aeschylus….. “you kill my dad? I kill you back!” type thing…. Yeah….. </nerd>

And this movie led to me talking about funny noises and faces that are often made during sex. And then talking about sex in general and talking about penis experiences.

Oh, and when the dude who was almost a good guy had a finger vibe thingie that I sell at work, and of COURSE, I announced it…. ’cause I’m special.

I think this is my most vulgar post yet…. and that’s saying something.

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