Category Archives: Ooh sexy?

The Great Porn Debate

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Saw “The Great Porn Debate” at my school today. It was pretty much awesome. Ron Jeremy vs. a 35 year old pastor

The pastor guy had a few good points, but mainly, he kept saying “Porn  leads men to have unrealistic expectations for sex” basically implying that porn makes men think that women like double penetration and gang bangs and whatnot. He talked about how easy it is for kids to view porn (and basically said that the main viewers of porn are young, underage children).  He also brought up “barely legal” stuff and things like that. He thinks that all porn is degrading to women and all women porn stars are miserable. In short, he said that porn addictions are biiig problems and seemed to think that most people who view porn have an addiction and that all porn ruins sexual relationships. He did not, however, state that pre-marital sex is bad, or necessarily that masturbation is wrong (hinted that he’s not too big on it, tho). But he also basically said that no women enjoy porn (and if they go to porn conventions or award shows it’s only because their boyfriend/husband wants to go). I do not watch porn, I get nothing from it, but I know women who legit ENJOY porn.

Ron Jeremy basically said “female porn stars choose the profession and a bunch of them make a lot of money and move on to better things.” He also said that the pastor was only bringing up the odd ball porn. The largest sold/viewed porn, according to his research, is 35-49 year old men and MILF and Cougar porn is the most popular. Kids do view porn, but it’s not because it’s marketed to them, it’s because parental blocks aren’t being utilized properly. The porn industry (at least the legit parts, like his companies) do what they can to prevent minors viewing it and they shut down a lot of the kiddie porn and apparently it’s against regulations to do the “look, I’m trying to look like I’m 14” porn. He also brought up that there is regular STD testing and unsafe acts (like ass-to-vagina) are NOT performed. He did not say that porn is amazing and all men and women should look at it and he does not condone underage viewing, but he states that well, it happens.

What annoyed me was some girl who works at another store like mine basically said “where I work, I can sell sex toys to kids” and I almost stood up and said “well, you CAN, but you are not obligated to sell a sex toy to a 12 year old. you can say now! you have the right to turn them away.” The debaters were asking if the store sold magazines and videos, which we don’t, and the pastor definitely seemed upset by the fact that the store can legally sell vibrators to children. Ron Jeremy didn’t seem upset, but kinda confused. They also brought up the playboy merchandise, which in my opinion is fairly innocent because, well, it’s just the bunny head and the word “Playboy” on it. It’s popular mainly because of stuff like the shoe “Girls Next Door.” These girls buying the merchandise aren’t wanting to become porn stars, it’s more of a status symbol than anything. I wanted to ask a question about why the pastor seemed to think that no women watch porn for personal enjoyment and then say, basically “I dunno how her store is run, but in my store, we do not sell any sexual material to anyone who is very obviously a minor because we don’t think it’s morally right to sell things like that to young teenagers without a parent present. we have the right to do that, too.”

By the end of it, I got a picture with Ron Jeremy and 2 of my friends and I got him to sign my birth control package. 🙂 (it was the only thing I could find that was easy to sign) and he made fun of my Vibram Five-Finger shoes.

Teeth

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Just watched “Teeth” with my bestie, who I’m gonna call “Midget-Wrath” (long story), and since we are both English majors, we randomly found all sorts of symbolism and imagery and whatnot. Mainly stuff like “that tree looks like a vag.” and whatnot. Kinda brilliant.

At one point, we laughed so hard we about cried and we confused the dog.

I then texted my boyfriend about it and he said the idea of the movie scared him, since, ya know, he’s a boy…… this movie just made me and Midget-Wrath lol.

If you don’t know what this movie is about…. here’s a VERY brief synopsis…..

Girl is all into the purity ring trend or whatever, and dates this boy and he basically forces himself upon her in a cave. Her vag BITES THE END OF HIS DICK OFF LIKE IT WAS A PIECE OF SAUSAGE AT A FAT CAMP! (those were Midget-Wrath’s words…not mine…) Then she basically freaks out and goes to a Gyno…… who then lubes up his bare hand and shoves the whole freakin’ thing in her vag, and CHOMP! Then she finds a guy who seems like he’s trying to be sweet, but drugs her, they do it (a lot) and all seems good, until he, like a dumbass, answers the phone mid sex and admits that he got with her as a bet with a buddy. CHOMP! Then her freaky step brother (who when they were playing “Show me yours, I’ll show you mine,” her kiddie vag bit his finger) who had tried to get her in the sack let her mother writhe in pain while he screwed his girlfriend, so she seduces him and CHOMP! Then…. his dog gets out of its crate/cage thing and EATS THE END OF HIS MEMBER…. leaving the very tip where the Prince Albert piercing was……. Then she hitchhikes and a creepy old man picks her up and wont let her get out and makes creeeeeeeeeeeeepy faces and she just smirks at the camera and we went “OLD MAN ISN’T GONNA HAVE A PENIS ANYMORE IN ABOUT 5 MINUTES!”

This movie was so wrong it was hilarious. Even though I thought about family based revenge and my paper I was writing for my Lit and Ethics class that mentions “The Orestea” plays by Aeschylus….. “you kill my dad? I kill you back!” type thing…. Yeah….. </nerd>

And this movie led to me talking about funny noises and faces that are often made during sex. And then talking about sex in general and talking about penis experiences.

Oh, and when the dude who was almost a good guy had a finger vibe thingie that I sell at work, and of COURSE, I announced it…. ’cause I’m special.

I think this is my most vulgar post yet…. and that’s saying something.

I just said something epic….

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Spazz and Prude were being obnoxious. Spazz was throwing things and Prude was being sexist.
Me: If you two don’t stop, I am going to rip your testicles out through your throat!
Prude: Who. Calm down. I wasn’t doing anything.
Spazz: I don’t think my girlfriend would like that.
Me: There are other things you can do to/for her. Sexual intercourse isn’t everything.
Angry-San: Wait. Wait. Did she just say that sex isn’t everything?
Me and Mike: *paraphrased* No. The actual act of intercourse isn’t everything. There are things besides the actual penetration that are fun.
Me: The whole sexual experience is not just an erect penis being inserted into a moist vagina. *almost laughed by the end of it*
Mike: *dies laughing*

Because I sell vibrators…

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NOT FOR THE SENSITIVE EARS/EYES OF THE INTERNET! ADULT MATERIAL ENCLOSED!
I have a group of people I socialize with during my hourish break between my classes. One of the members of this group is a legit, actual, reliable friend. The others? I just like to mess with. We’re gonna give them fake names (or numbers, or something) to protect their identities. ‘Cause I don’t wanna ask for permission to use their names, and I can’t remember most of them. And it doesn’t REALLY matter who’s who.

Ok. Anywho. Actual friend is named Mike.
He has a religious psycho friend we’re gonna call Prude. He really doesn’t like me. I threaten to hit him with the Norton Anthology of Shakespeare on a regular basis.
There is also another nerd-boy, who we’re gonna call Spaz. I think he gets a kick out of me.
There’s also a long haired boy, who we’re gonna call Angry-San. I choose that name ’cause he really doesn’t like me, or my topics of conversation, so he gets mad at me regularly. So I continue with said conversations just to bug him. He does not approve.

Anywho. Today, I was quite proud of myself. I was making dirty jokes, as per usual, and Mike was getting a kick out of it. Angry-San decided to remind me that I spend more time talking about things of that nature than anything else. My response:
Me: Well. I work somewhere where I can say things like penis, clit stimulator, vibrator, lubricant, anal lube, etc, and no one gets mad at me…. depending on where I am in the store. So I’m desensitized.
Angry-San: Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Me: Well. It’s not like I can go around at work saying things like *happy, perky retail voice* “this one makes you feel good in your special place!”
Mike: *dies laughing*

Few days ago, Spazz decided to give Prude a little birthday present. It was not a normal present. He decided it would be funny to give him an EMPTY box of condoms. Now, as the name suggests, Prude is anti pre-marital sex.
Spazz: Hey, I got you a present. *hands empty box*
Prude: Dude. What? Why? I don’t need this!
Me: Why….. because no woman will touch you?
Prude: Uncalled for, dude. Not cool.
Spazz: Hah. It’s an empty box, dude.
Prude: 0_______0

My goal is to make Mr Prude genuinely despise me with every fiber of his being. Same with Angry-San. I know how to push their buttons.  It’s fun.  I’m a bitch. I’m aware of this.