Sorry I haven’t posted in a while… hard to be a shameless college kid without being in school for the summer…. But here’s something.
Spent the day with Midget-Wrath and my guy friend to be named Ginger-Boy (bright red hair) at the lake…..
Me: Is that what I think it is?
Ginger: An air mattress?
Midget-Wrath: Yeah… I think it is.
Ginger-Boy: I wonder if it’s like a waterbed…. mixing an air mattress with water.
Me: ….. maybe?
Ginger-Boy: Is anyone else thinking what I’m thinking?
Me: …… something about having sex on an air mattress while on the water?
Ginger-Boy and Midget Wrath: YES! I was thinking that, too!
Me: We’re special…. and that would be difficult to do. I’d be afraid of falling.
I then texted my boyfriend about Ginger-Boy’s comments and he said “…. goal”
Sorry for being so…. not here…. heh.
So, funny thing happened at work last night. I was on the sales floor, folding some shirts and chatting briefly with some guys about said shirts.
Kid: Do you have *random thing I didn’t recognize* shirts?
Me: Eh? What?
Me: I have no idea what that is, so I’m gonna say no. But what is it, I might be able to tell you where to get it?
Kid: It’s slash metal (or something).
Me: Yeah…… we don’t have stuff like that.
Kid: But you have Metallica.
Me: Yeah, but everyone knows who Metallica is…. Look, most of our shirts are classic rock. And, ya know, rappers…..
Kid: You shouldn’t sell rapper shirts.
Me: Hey, they sell. 16 year olds want to marry Li’l Wayne…. for some reason… even though he’s been to jail…
Kid: And Lady Gaga shirts?
Me: Yeah….. so? Her music is catchy.
Kid: She’s part of the illuminati.
Kid: She’s part of the illuminati.
Me: And that would be…. what?
Kid: Basically a government conspiracy.
Me: Lady Gaga is not part of a government conspiracy.
Kid: Keep saying that when you’re working for George W Bush in a slave camp! *walks out*
Me: Yeah. not gonna happen, dude.
So, my boyfriend and I were in the car the other day, and he got a random text.
BF: Hi. Who is this?
Girl: Carla. Who is this?
Girl: Oh, sorry, wrong number. I was looking for *other name*
BF: I don’t know anyone by that name.
Girl: Sorry to bother you, then.
*few minutes pass*
Girl: Can I ask you something?
Girl: Are you single?
At this point, I’m kinda confused. When she asked if she could ask him something, I knew where it was headed.
BF: My girlfriend who is sitting in the car next to me says “no.”
Her signature in her texts is “*Redneck Juliet*” so we about died laughing.
Classes are out, I did well. Not a whole lot going on that is post worthy, but this happened at work.
Random Dude: *grabbing the fake boobs (“Jingle Jugs”)*
Me: You feelin’ up the merchandise?
Random Dude: No, man. I was fixing her top.
Me: Yeah. She’s kind of a hussy. *fixes her top*
Random Dude: Nah, I like it that way.
Me: …… I would never do that. At least not in public. *realizes that was a bad idea to say*
Random Dude: When do you get off work?
Me: I have a boyfriend.
Random Dude: So do I.
Dude’s Friend: It’s not me, man. It’s him *points to friend*
And my coworker did this. I don’t like him.
Creeper: …. I can’t talk to you. Your chest is too distracting.
Me: …………………. uhm. what?
I’d file a lawsuit, but I’m trying to quit there, anyway. So I’m just gonna ignore him and start wearing actual t-shirts. I think the boss would side with the dude if I keep wearing low cut tanks to work….
“I have decided that pants are entirely unnecessary.”
Sunday, the store got a call and I answered it.
Me: Thank you for calling *store*, how can I help you?
Guy: Yeah, I’m on your website and I see something called a “super sucker.”
Me: Ok, can you tell me which section of the website you are on so I don’t assume it’s something it’s not?
Me: Ok, I think I know what you’re talking to. What does the package or product looks like?
Guy: It doesn’t show that.
Me: It should. Is the packaging red, black, and white? Or is the product an off white color?
Guy: The website doesn’t show me a picture.
Me: Well, if it’s what I think it is, we should have it. And we have another item very similar, but it’s a different brand. Same concept, different brand.
Guy: Oh, ok, cool. Do you have one that has a vibrator in it?
Me: No, we just have the basic masturbation sleeves. If you want a higher end one, go to Romantic Escapades and get a flesh light.
Guy: Wow, you’ve got a lot of knowledge on the subject.
Me: Well…. uhm…
Guy: Well lemme ask you something else. I see on the site that you also have the jack rabbit.
Me: Yeah, we have the iVibe Rabbit. It’s $80.
Guy: Do guys buy those?
Me: Not for themselves. They are designed with women in mind, but men often buy them for their girls.
Guy: Oh, ok.
or never want me to have a desire to have sex ever again…
she Wiki’d a lot of random ass freaky genital piercings… I made “gnagn gnagn” noises… she isn’t creeped out or anything. I think there is something wrong with her… but I love her dearly.